Love

Love is the only chance of happiness you'll ever get in this life, and if you're gonna let a little thing like rejection stand in your way, then you might as well lay on the ground because people are gonna be walking all over you for the rest of your life.

Passion Play 2009

I haven't blogged in a long time. Many things have happened from the last time I posted a blog, to this point. Too much for me to even post.

I spent most of my spring break with the CYM rehearsing for the Passion play. This year I'm controlling Spotlight #4. A few of my friends are in the play again this year. I've met some new people and made some new friends as well.

Yesterday we got through our first performance. It went well. A lot of people came to watch. After the play was over; I saw a few friends that I haven't seen in since last year. We have another rehearsal on Tuesday and 2 more performances on Wednesday and Friday. I am excited about performing again.

I always enjoy helping out the CYM and the St. Catherine's church. It's always been a pleasure.

7 Days, Nothing To Gain

Nothing really happens now-a-days. Especially when you're out of high school. I seem to attend more family get togethers than hang out with friends. Nothing wrong with that. I went to my little cousin's bday party at John's Incredible Pizza. That was fun.

Nothing exciting is happening this week. Its all school, and tomorrow I have to take the English exit exam. I hope I pass. I'm really not trying to take it again. All I can do after school this week is find time to jog. I haven't been jogging much lately because my Mom has been making me do all sorts of chores and tasks that really slow me down from some of my personal goals.

Glorified

Well, today began pretty bad. Just some issues at home. =/

Today was my cousin's 13th bday. We had the families get together at my Grandma's house. The house was full. There was a shortage of chairs. lols. We all had hella good food and everyone was just hanging around the house talking.

I got to hang out with my cousin Nick. I haven't talked to him since New Years eve. We were going through some problems, but we resolved it today. I wouldn't hold a grudge against him. He's family, a second cousin. We hung out in the front porch, ate some dessert, and talked about a lot of stuff. I'm glad that we got to hang out again. So today ended pretty well. ^^

Publish Post

The Stress Factor

Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. =(

Basic Idea
Many people see me as a peaceful and quiet guy that shows no emotion. The truth is, no one really understands what makes me happy, what upsets me, and what goes on in my life. I'm not too happy with how my life has been going lately. I have my reasons. I am thankful for many things, but I have missed many opportunities that I cannot change and there are many facts about myself that I am not comfortable with. I don't expect certain people to know what happens in my life, but many bad things have happened to me, and I have learned long ago that its best to keep your problems to yourself and not let anyone know whats wrong unless you have someone that you can talk to. I'd rather not tell certain people the drama that others try to project on me. All though I am open to hearing my friends vent to me. Its because I enjoy helping them and Ive been told plenty of times before that I give good advice.

411
Lately I've been having some issues with some friends of mines. I'd rather not put any names out. I don't feel comfortable around certain people anymore. Some call it the silent treatment. Normally when I'm silent, it means either I have nothing to say, I'm disappointed or annoyed, I'm not comfortable with something, or I'm just thinking to myself. It's best if people don't try to figure me out unless they're concerned.

In The Depths Of My Mind
It's just, sometimes (ever since high school ended) I feel like the people that I care for and take time to talk to, don't even care about how I feel. I know I can't expect them to. A lot of people show me low consideration. I am accustomed to checking up on old friends occasionally just to see how they are. Like am I showing all this effort for nothing? Some of people are happy to hear from me, some just talk for a bit, and others may not care too much, but at least I'm doing my part as a friend/acquaintance. That's all I need to feel like a good friend. When I say hi to people, I'm not expecting them to be all excited and happy to see me unless they really feel that way, but showing some gratitude would be nice. These kind of things use to not effect me, but I can't hold in my emotions for too long. I have feelings too like everyone else, but differently. I just choose not to show mines often. When someone that I care about does something small unintentionally to upset or make me feel bad, I normally keep it to myself and continue to treat them the way I normally do, but if they do something really bad that hurts my feelings, I'll just let them know what they did wrong. If they are sorry for what they did I'll forgive them, but if they can't realize how what they did was wrong even though they did not intentionally want to hurt me, that is something that makes me upset and there may be problems with me and the person afterwards. Even though people unintentionally make me feel bad, I don't let it change the way I feel about them unless I find out that they've done it on purpose. Like I said before, as long as I do my part as a friend or acquaintance, it makes me feel good as a person.

Mind Full Of Hatred
I am tired of people acting like I have no feelings. Like they can just completely ignore me and not care about how it makes me feel. I hate how I can easily feel ignored by certain people. I don't take it personally if we don't talk as much as we use to, and some people I don't have to worry about, because we talk a lot. Maybe I'm over-reacting because lately I've been having problems. Or maybe I'm finally expressing how I really feel after all these months of holding in my emotions. I've dealt with this plenty of times, but I guess I'm ready to put this to rest and not let it prevent me from getting on with my life.

Remedy
I choose not to vent to certain people because I don't want them to worry or feel bad for me, but if they would like to talk about it then I can open up the them. I can only open up to certain people. I mostly talk to John when I'm feeling down because he is my best friend and he understands what upsets me and what cheers me up. Amado has always taken time to hear me out whenever I was having problems with something, and he has came to me when he needed someone to talk to. Janelle was there for me when I had my heart broken from this girl that I use to like. I feel comfortable opening up to her if I need someone to talk to. April and I didn't start talking much until towards the end of high school and I already feel like I can trust her knowing about some of the things that can make me happy or upset me, because she's very easy for me to conversate with. I can also open up to Genaiya because she makes me feel good as a person, she accepts me for who I am, and she has vented to me before. Like I said in the beginning, I'd rather keep things to myself, but sometimes it helps you to feel better when you have someone to talk to. It calms my nerves and helps take my mind of the situation. Tobacco use to help me relax the mind, but I already quit. When I'm feeling bummed about something and want to be alone, I just take time to myself, lye down in my room and listen to some jazz or any type of soothing music. An excellent solution to relaxation.

Gingerbread Man

Its only been a few days since ash Wednesday and I'm already craving ice cream and Nicky slaps. lols. I wonder how long I can keep this up. Honestly, as a child I never really took the 40 days of lent seriously. I always ended up doing whatever I gave up during the 40 days. So this time I'm really trying to test myself. "Give it hope".

Instead of eating ice cream for dessert, I could probably just have some good pastries. Such as cookies (chips ahoy!, oreos, mrs. fields), donuts, muffins, cinnamon rolls, brownies, cake, pie (cherry, banana, pumpkin), strudel, all that good stuff. I'm not really acustomed to having dessert after a meal. I don't have a sweet tooth, but all that stuff is pretty awesome. =)

As for substituting Nicky slaps, as I've said before on one of my earlier blogs titled "I'm A Junkie", It explains how I am really into music and many different type of Genres. Different artists, bands, DJ's, groups, and many more than I can't even name out.

Lent

I'm 6 days late for lent! I was told that it starts after Easter, but I'm guessing that it ends on Easter Sunday. I've decided to give up 2 things. 40 days without Ice Cream, my favorite dessert that I can't deny and Nicky Slaps, songs by my favorite rapper. Starting TODAY.

Btw my phone is active again.

WonderCon

Chyea! Tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday is the WonderCon. Be there! Geramie was suppose to come with me and my Uncle, but then I found out that we're leaving Vallejo at 11am. I don't have school on Fridays. I go to the WonderCon every year with my Uncle. He's into the old school comics, Marvel, Capcom, Spawn, and some Anime. I'm more into the Anime. Every year I'm into a different Anime and buy souvenirs at the convention. I remember 2 years ago I was really into Naruto, so I bought some Leaf Head Bands. Last year I was into Death Note (I still am) and I bought 2 Death Notebooks (1 small and 1 og) and 2 necklaces.

I wonder what I'll end up getting this year since I haven't been watching too much Anime lately. I still love it, just never find the time to look into new ones or finish up the previous ones I've been viewing and never finished up.

WonderCon 2009 Info

FRIDAY, FEB 27
12 Noon - 7 PM

SATURDAY, FEB 28
10 AM - 7 PM

SUNDAY, MAR 1
11 AM - 5 PM

MOSCONE CENTER SOUTH
747 Howard Street, San Francisco

Perfect Storm

My phone is temporarily suspended. It doesn't feel right without a phone or service. It makes you feel so..... disconnected from the world, or at least the people you call/text. I always get the bill paid, just not right away sometimes. I earn money from my Grandma by mowing her lawn/jungle. lols, But I couldn't for the pass few weeks because its been raining! My mother and I will get the bill payed in a few days. I really needed my phone for the convention tomorrow.

Caught In A Verse

Lately, my parents have been dragging me to look into this business called WFG. I can't say I'm interested, but I've been having issues with a friend of mines that I use to hang out with a lot, and I've been trying to fix things with him, but he's too stubborn to admit what he's done wrong, and my parents dragging me to the meetings have been preventing and slowing me down from resolving this issue with my friend. Its just that I feel like my parents forced me to join the business. I understand that this business could be more important, but I don't think I have what it takes to be successful in it. Why am I talking about a business on Blogspot? lol.

I'd rather continue to finish up earning the rest of my credits (14.5 more to go), graduate, get a part-time job, attend Napa Valley College, and then find out what I am really capable of majoring in. Growing up isn't easy. It's like puzzle, sometimes it gets worse. You'll get use to it, but you will miss the good times you've had with all of your friends.

I'm A Junkie

When it comes to music, my appearance does not describe what kind of sound I'm into. I don't just stick to one type of genre. I listen to different types. I'm pretty much a music junkie. I found who my all time favorites are.

Here are some of my favorite artists:

Andre Nickatina- MY HERO!!!

Radiohead- Creative, lyrical, and soothing sounds

Nujabes- Ultimate chillax

The Dream- Great voice, beats, and romantic

Ne-Yo- Romantic and positive lyrics

Lupe Fiasco- wicked rhymes and poetic

The Devil Wears Prada- Well balanced hardcore/emo

Armor For The Broken- THROAT and great sounds

Bring Me The Horizon- Awesome deathcore!

Killswitch Engage- Hardcore, mellows down, and double paddle intensity

Utada Hikaru- Lovely and touching lyrics

Epik High- Just got into them, they're pretty chill and romantic

Tsutchie- Another ultimate chillax

and many more.

Monday Like A Friday

Last Friday I left Vallejo to L.A. with family. It was about a 7 hour ride. I didn't sleep on the way. We spent the night in a nice hotel. I was hoping I would find the gym, but unfortunately not. =/ The next day I attended a Wedding =D My Auntie Michelle is now married. The mass was very formal and traditional and the reception was grand. It was so touching. My cousins were getting emotional. lols. The food they served to us was delicious and filling. My cousin and I took advantage of the cream puffs. I couldn't dance to the music, first of all because they were playing some old school stuff, and I wasn't able to glide with the shoes I was wearing.

Man, my blogging sucks. Unlike when I used Xanga. I would put so much detail into them.

Only A Memory Away

John, the one person that I can't lose contact with. As for the others, I try my best to keep in touch with. Tim, another friend from childhood times. He lives in Benicia now, but we find time to hang out. Rudy, Carlo, Oliver, and Anthony, we game now and then. Nikko, he's a big business man now, but I still try to check up on him. Amado and CJ, I find time to chill, work out, and eat with them. Jared, we use to hang out a lot, but not anymore. I'm fine with it, because things do change after high school. Geramie, one of my text buddies. Its been much easier for us to hang out ever since he got his L's. In this case, L got his L's. lols. He's been coming over to my house every other day after school since he only has 5 periods.

As for the lovely ladies, unfortunately its been difficult stay in contact with most of them. Armaine, my friend ever since the 2nd grade. I haven't heard from her in a very long time. Haven't seen her since Anabel's bday party. That night was fun though. Janelle, I havent seen her since the last day of school. She call me sometimes to see whats new. I'm always glad to hear from her. Pleasant conversations. Heather, she's really dedicated to High Reality. Its been much easier to talk to her since she got a new phone with Aim. Avegail, my lil' sister. She is someone that I do not want to lose touch with. We've been through so much since we first met and to this point. Its been kinda hard for us to keep in touch ever since she moved to American Canyon, but we're both involved with the CYM. So lately, I get to see her at the Passion Play meeting/auditions. Jennifer, I miss her a lot. I still text her occasionally to see how she is. April, she is good at keeping in touch. We talk a lot on Aim and through texting. Its ashamed that her and I didn't get to talk much during high school. I look forward to hanging out with her soon. Genaiya, we became friends when I first attended Bethel junior year. I haven't seen her in a very long time. The last time we hung out was towards the end of my junior year. We still talk. She made a video for me to put on my Myspace. A video that means a lot to me. I hope to see her again back in Vallejo one day. Until then, we stay keeping in touch.

In Class

I'm in class right now. I have typing class Tuesdays and Thursdays. I seriously don't know why I made a blogspot. Blogging is so Asian hype-beast. lols. Like people that stress out in life use blog sites to express themselves and have people read about what happens to them everyday and stuff. I'm really not counting on anyone to read this. Some things are better off left unsaid. This could be something like an online journal to me. I'm good at hiding my feelings in. The only friend I can really tell anything to is John. I do vent to Amado sometimes. I trust them with the info I express. Others, I'd rather not let them know what I'm feeling inside and/or what goes on in my life.

Expressing emotions to friends can sometimes make them worry about you. No feeling of pain just sorrow. I learned long ago that its best to keep your problems to yourself, but some people that are still growing up need help. I've been told that I give good advice. Wisdom was always a reliable trait about me. I found out who my real friends are way before and after high school ended. I lost touch with many people after high school ended. I already accepted that feeling, but there are some friends that I'd rather not lose touch with and some that I can't lose touch with.

New Website

What was I thinking? First I make a Xanga a few years ago, then I deleted it like a few weeks ago, and then I create this? I cant keep up with blogging and Im not the one to expect people read about what goes on in my life. I guess I just made this for the heck of it. We'll see if this site becomes beneficial.