The Stress Factor

Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. =(

Basic Idea
Many people see me as a peaceful and quiet guy that shows no emotion. The truth is, no one really understands what makes me happy, what upsets me, and what goes on in my life. I'm not too happy with how my life has been going lately. I have my reasons. I am thankful for many things, but I have missed many opportunities that I cannot change and there are many facts about myself that I am not comfortable with. I don't expect certain people to know what happens in my life, but many bad things have happened to me, and I have learned long ago that its best to keep your problems to yourself and not let anyone know whats wrong unless you have someone that you can talk to. I'd rather not tell certain people the drama that others try to project on me. All though I am open to hearing my friends vent to me. Its because I enjoy helping them and Ive been told plenty of times before that I give good advice.

411
Lately I've been having some issues with some friends of mines. I'd rather not put any names out. I don't feel comfortable around certain people anymore. Some call it the silent treatment. Normally when I'm silent, it means either I have nothing to say, I'm disappointed or annoyed, I'm not comfortable with something, or I'm just thinking to myself. It's best if people don't try to figure me out unless they're concerned.

In The Depths Of My Mind
It's just, sometimes (ever since high school ended) I feel like the people that I care for and take time to talk to, don't even care about how I feel. I know I can't expect them to. A lot of people show me low consideration. I am accustomed to checking up on old friends occasionally just to see how they are. Like am I showing all this effort for nothing? Some of people are happy to hear from me, some just talk for a bit, and others may not care too much, but at least I'm doing my part as a friend/acquaintance. That's all I need to feel like a good friend. When I say hi to people, I'm not expecting them to be all excited and happy to see me unless they really feel that way, but showing some gratitude would be nice. These kind of things use to not effect me, but I can't hold in my emotions for too long. I have feelings too like everyone else, but differently. I just choose not to show mines often. When someone that I care about does something small unintentionally to upset or make me feel bad, I normally keep it to myself and continue to treat them the way I normally do, but if they do something really bad that hurts my feelings, I'll just let them know what they did wrong. If they are sorry for what they did I'll forgive them, but if they can't realize how what they did was wrong even though they did not intentionally want to hurt me, that is something that makes me upset and there may be problems with me and the person afterwards. Even though people unintentionally make me feel bad, I don't let it change the way I feel about them unless I find out that they've done it on purpose. Like I said before, as long as I do my part as a friend or acquaintance, it makes me feel good as a person.

Mind Full Of Hatred
I am tired of people acting like I have no feelings. Like they can just completely ignore me and not care about how it makes me feel. I hate how I can easily feel ignored by certain people. I don't take it personally if we don't talk as much as we use to, and some people I don't have to worry about, because we talk a lot. Maybe I'm over-reacting because lately I've been having problems. Or maybe I'm finally expressing how I really feel after all these months of holding in my emotions. I've dealt with this plenty of times, but I guess I'm ready to put this to rest and not let it prevent me from getting on with my life.

Remedy
I choose not to vent to certain people because I don't want them to worry or feel bad for me, but if they would like to talk about it then I can open up the them. I can only open up to certain people. I mostly talk to John when I'm feeling down because he is my best friend and he understands what upsets me and what cheers me up. Amado has always taken time to hear me out whenever I was having problems with something, and he has came to me when he needed someone to talk to. Janelle was there for me when I had my heart broken from this girl that I use to like. I feel comfortable opening up to her if I need someone to talk to. April and I didn't start talking much until towards the end of high school and I already feel like I can trust her knowing about some of the things that can make me happy or upset me, because she's very easy for me to conversate with. I can also open up to Genaiya because she makes me feel good as a person, she accepts me for who I am, and she has vented to me before. Like I said in the beginning, I'd rather keep things to myself, but sometimes it helps you to feel better when you have someone to talk to. It calms my nerves and helps take my mind of the situation. Tobacco use to help me relax the mind, but I already quit. When I'm feeling bummed about something and want to be alone, I just take time to myself, lye down in my room and listen to some jazz or any type of soothing music. An excellent solution to relaxation.